Last Journal Entry or the Pub Story.

Tomorrow I leave for home after five weeks traveling Europe. I spent all the money I had in savings on this journey. I saw more beauty than I could have imagined, so many great old cities, so much history. I spent my last bit of money on a flight home and one night in a decent hotel so I could feel civilized and clean and relaxed for the long flight home.

I traveled to find myself. I wasn’t searching for the meaning of life but to find some purpose in mine. I wanted a great epiphany, a lighting bolt to crash down on me electrifying me with purpose and desire. What I learned only reinforced what I already knew. Life is a strange trip but it is only what you make of it. Sit still and it is liable to pass you by, but if you pursue it and take chances you’ll get more out of it in the end. Failure is always an option; life can be unfair, it is just something you have to deal with, how can something as random as life ever really be fair anyways.
I got an email from my mom while I was away. A guy I worked with was shot. He wasn’t a close friend but I consider anyone I work with and whom I enjoy spending time with a friend. He survived the shooting but is in bad shape. He was leaving a restaurant with his girlfriend when they were both shot; it wasn’t a bad neighborhood either. The shooters didn’t even take their money; the police think it was a gang initiation. I didn’t know him that well but I think he was a good man, more than likely he did not deserve to have such a horrible thing happen to him, yet it did, random.

I’m going to fast forward to tomorrow afternoon before my flight and tell you about how I became entirely smitten tonight with beautiful British girl, she even had nice teeth. That last remark was kind of mean and stereotypical; not all British have bad teeth. I’ll strike that if this is ever published, I promise.
 
It was around six o’clock and I was restless after sleeping in. I’d soaked in a hot bath, followed it with a even hotter shower and finally gotten a good clean shave for only the third time in a month. I think most people take a bath and then they’re done with it, me I always shower after a bath. I find baths very relaxing but something about sitting in a pool of dirty water and dead skin cells doesn’t leave me feeling clean.
Wide-awake now I didn’t feel like spending my last night with the city of London inside. I stepped out sound and explored the city looking for a tavern or pub that caught my eye; much like I’d done on many other nights in many other cities.

I’m not going to lie I went into the pub cause I saw her through the window. She had dark hair and glasses and fair skin, her eyes caught my attention immediately. Now while I went in because of her I had no plans to talk to her or single her out, but she caught my attention and this place seemed as good as any other.
The fact she was reading classic literature in a pub while drinking a beer made her all the more interesting, to me at least.
She was at a table near the front window not too far from the bar where I ultimately sat. I remained planted at the bar watching a futbol game and conversing with the bartender for a good hour before she finally came up to the bar and sat one stool away from me. She requested another beer from the bartender and upon its arrival asked me why I kept staring at her. I’m not sure what it said about her that she had no trouble blurting this out in front of the bartender. She certainly did not appear to be shy, or very aware at least. I made a mental note of that.
I said excuse me and acted like I had no idea what she was talking about. Truth be told I’d been glancing over at her pretty regularly, I wasn’t trying to get her attention or to creep her out, I just couldn’t help it.
“Well it looked like you kept looking at me, I was worried I had something in my hair or on my face”
My reply was a remark about how I liked her glasses and that I must have kept looking over at them. She gave me an awkward smile back. Five weeks abroad had made me no better with talking to attractive women. As soon as my remark left my mouth I wanted to leap forward and try to some how suck it back in. After a few awkward minutes passed she finally replied as if she had just then heard my response.
“Are you sure you weren’t just checking me out?”
I asked her if she was always this forward. She said she didn’t think she was being forward but that if this was forwardness she normally wasn’t.
I asked her if she lived around here, she looked at me as if she was disappointed. Immediately realizing how that sounded I stammered an insisted I didn’t mean it like that.
“You’re really bad at chatting girls up aren’t you?”
I informed her that I just tended to be shy at first and that I was a pretty good conversationalist once the shyness wore off. She asked me when that would be; I said two more pints.
Four pints and two hours later we were stool to stool.
“So I want you to admit you weren’t actually watching that futbol game, I know people from the states don’t watch soccer”
She put air quotes around soccer. I could tell she though it was cute, and it was.
I told her I actually like soccer, air quotes included, quite a bit and then asked her to admit that she was actually a serial killer who waited for unsuspecting single chaps to chat up at this pub.
She insisted she actually never approached guys and that she wasn’t sure why she started talking to me, she just felt the need and that it was my fault anyways since I started it by CONSTANTLEY checking her out.
The inevitable question of how much longer would I be in London came up. In my drunken smitteness I had completely forgotten I was leaving tomorrow, for a while I was in a bubble that existed only around us.
“I leave tomorrow.” Uttering those words made me feel down. I could see the reaction on her face as well.
“Bugger” was her response.
I told her I was out of money and that I finally had to go home.
“Might as well make the most at of your last night here” she said, “ and no that wasn’t an invitation”
I told her I didn’t think it was, although I kind of did. Normally I would take that kind of forwardness as an indicator of a slutty girl but with her it felt genuine, like she wasn’t just looking for a shag, that she actually was fond of me.
I want to say we fell in love over the next couple of hours but I’m not sure if I believe in love at first sight; especially when alcohol is involved. We weren’t really drunk anyways, not to the point where things weren’t genuine at least, there was no drunken stupor. Whatever it was it was it felt great; a perfect stranger who did not feel like a stranger at all.
I think people are very much like puzzle pieces. You can randomly throw two pieces together and sometimes they can just fit completely and that was us.
We went back to my room that night and made out but we never took it further, we easily could have but I think we both thought it would cheapen things. Instead we just spooned like a couple that had slept together a hundred times before.
This morning didn’t feel awkward at all, only sad. Like a couple that was sad together because the other was leaving for an extended trip and they were going to miss each other greatly.
I gave her my phone number in the states as pointless as it felt and we kissed goodbye as I checked out of the hotel.
“It was nice meeting you” I told her.
“It was nice meeting you too”

So that was my farewell to Europe and my send off back home.
The meaning of life cannot be summed up or defined. It can only happen.
I’ll see you in the states.

                Closing Walls

Lindsay walked in the front door of the small one bedroom apartment she shared with Mark and dropped her keys and purse on the table nearest the door.
“I’ve got a surprise for you!” Marks voice bellowed from the bedroom.
“Oh, what’s that?”
She could hear running water as she approached their bedroom.
“I finally shaved”
“You know I liked your beard. You look handsome with it”
Lindsay was now in the closet putting up her coat.
“Yeah, but I know it gave you beard burn”
“You look distinguished with it”
The water stopped running and mark was wiping his face dry with a towel as he exited the bathroom; Lindsay was now on the bed.
“Tell me this doesn’t look distinguished.”
Mark’s beard was gone but now a Fu Manchu remained; a mustache equipped with handlebars.
“Oh my god” Lindsay smiled, “You look ridiculous”
“Come on, tell me this isn’t hot” Mark walked closer to Lindsay on the bed.
Lindsay was laughing “That’s not hot, get that thing away from me”
“Give me some sugar baby” Mark started to kiss Lindsay’s neck and they fell back onto the bed.
“Give the pornstache some sugar”
They were both getting into it when Lindsay’s eyes became sad as she stared at the ceiling as mark kissed her neck.
“I need to tell you something”
“I know, you can’t contain yourself”
“No, I’m serious, we need to talk”
Mark immediately stopped and tensed up.

Mark sat back on the bed.
“What’s up?”
Lindsay stared at mark for a second.
“Can you please shave that off? I cant talk to you with that thing looking at me.”
“What is it?”
“Just please”
“Fine” Mark walked into the bathroom and let the sink fill up with hot water.
His heart was beating a mile a minute; whatever this was it was not good. He loved Lindsay very deeply and was happy with his life right now; he did not want it to change.
He put shaving cream around his mustache and chin and started to shave off his handlebars.
“So what is so difficult to say you can’t say it to a silly mustache?”
“There is this guy at work”
Mark’s heart dropped to the floor. He looked at himself in the mirror.
“And let me guess: you like him?”
“Nothing has happened, I promise”
Mark finished and immerged clean-shaven.
“Don’t look at me that way, everything is okay. I promise”
“When make-out sessions are interrupted by, ‘we need to talk’, things are not okay”
“Nothing has happened. I just realized I have this crush on a new guy at work and I kind of like him”
“Would I be right in guessing all these after work coffee’s with Sidney were with him?”
“Yes”
“So, you’ve been lying to me?”
“Yes, but I’m telling you now”
Mark was off the bed now, pacing around the bedroom.
“Listen, I started to really like him and I just got caught up in the newness, it’s a different feeling than what we have. I haven’t felt that in a while and it was exciting.”
“But”
“But... I realized that if you take that newness away it was nothing compared to what we have and that even though we are at a different stage in our relationship it’s still great and that I should work on continuing it with you, not running off and starting a new one.”
“Well that all sounds reassuring, I guess” Mark paused, “and you’re sure nothing ever happened?”
“Yes”
“Did you guys ever kiss?”
“No”
Lindsay laid back on the bed and looked up towards the ceiling.
“God, yes, once. I’m sorry, I’m horrible”
Mark got up from his chair.
“I’m leaving”
“No, wait, where are you going”
“I need to think”
“Please, this was hard, I need you right now”
“Why don’t you guy find your little work boyfriend”
Mark slammed the door as he went out. Lindsay sat back down in bed and started to cry. Mark waited at the bottom of the stairs, waiting, hoping she would come chasing after him, phone him, something; but she didn’t follow. He left the building with his head down.
Back in the apartment Lindsay watched as mark walked down the street. Her phone started ringing and she ran to grab it.
The phone read: DEREK CALLING.
She hit the silent button and sat down on the bed.
A moment later her phone beeped at her; she called to listen to the voicemail.
“Hey, I wanted to talk to you, I broke up with Megan. I know you said nothing could happen but I want to be with you. Please call me back soon.”
She closed her phone and threw it on the bed next to her “fucking great”.

Mark was in a bookstore when Lindsay finally found him. He was in his favorite nest of chairs at the back of the store. When they would come together this is where he would always disappear too to read while she drank coffee in the front. He didn’t notice her walk up; he was intently reading.
“I looked all over for you”
“I figured you’d be able to find me if you really wanted to”
“You know, once the trust is gone it’s pretty much the beginning of the end” Mark lamented.
“I’m being honest with you though, doesn’t that count for anything?”
“It does, but you’ve also created doubt. How do I know nothing else happened and you’re just too afraid to tell me cause you I might not take you back?”
“Is that what you think?”
“I don’t know, but I know that’s what happens when someone breaks the trust in a relationship, it creates little cracks in the foundation, all of a sudden nothing is stable and you start to second guess everything.”
“I’m sorry, I just got lost for a little while, I don’t know what else to say”
She went on “But I know you’re what I want; that’s why I’m here right now, trust me if I wanted him I could be with him right now, he left his girlfriend cause he wanted to be with me so bad. You are an immature goofy retard of a man and I love you. You make me such a better person.”
Mark just starred off at shelf of books.
“I’m gonna go back to the apartment. I’m going to quit my job Monday.”
She got up and kissed mark on the cheek as she left.
“I hope you’ll come home soon.”

The Boy On Redtop Hill

A Man and his young son walked through the fields outside their village.
The boy, Thomas, was ten. “I want to show you something Thomas”
Gregory pointed to a large hill that jutted out from the flat countryside,
 “Do you see the Hill there?”
“Yes father, of course”
“Do you see the boy at the top of the hill?” Gregory asked.
“Father?”
“Right there up top, below the tree”
Thomas laughed, “That’s a rock father”
“No, no it isn’t”
“I’ll show you”, Gregory said.
The two of them kept traveling towards the hill.
At its base the hill covered around 500 feet. There was a gradual incline to the top of the hill. It was easy enough to get up too; even an elderly person would not have much trouble reaching the peak.
At its peak the hill was around 200 feet across and was occupied by a nine or ten trees. They were good think sturdy trees; excellent for climbing, they had probably over a hundred years old.
After a short Hike Father and son reached the top of the hill. The side closest to town was the highest point and was occupied by a tree close to its edge. The large tree looked down upon the village, never judging.
Not ten feet from the tree was a large rock, not quite a boulder, much like the hill was not a mountain.
“There you see, it’s a young boy, not much younger than you”
Thomas approached the rock cautiously; he was shocked out how much the stone resembled a boy sitting in the grass. It was as if a boy had just turned to stone. Thomas could see his hair and eyes and even the boys clothes, the only thing he lacked was shoes to cover his feet.
“What happened to him?”
Gregory walked towards the magnificent old tree that had seen so much and sat down in between two of its enormous roots. “I’ll tell you” Gregory said as he waved for his young son to have a sit next to him.
Thomas walked towards his father but all the while kept looking at the stone boy. He took a seat on the ground next to his father between the two giant roots.
“That boy is Howard Paine…”

Many years ago in this same village there were two young boys, Howard, who was eight and Graham who was fourteen. Graham and Howard were the two children of Mary and Joseph Paine. Joseph was a wealthy and well-respected shop owner in the town and Mary worked in shop. Joseph also owned a local Inn that was popular since the village wasn’t far from a main travel route between two large cities. The Family was the picture of ideal in the town, they were what many young people in the town aspired to be, a wealthy happy family with two good young boys.
Life was routine and ordinary for Graham and Howard; they did chores in the morning and evening, occasionally Graham and Howard would work at the Inn when one of their father’s employees fell ill. Three times a week they were taught lessons with a handful of other children in the small school in the village. They liked their teacher very much. She was a pretty woman not even thirty yet. She had dark raven hair that was curly and went half way down her back and she had a fair complexion, she was very beautiful. Graham who had just recently decided girls weren’t gross had quite the crush on Ms Connor. He would often lose concentration when she would teach them math, he hated math, he would just stare at her face until she moved and then gaze at her beautiful dark hair as it swayed from one side to the other.

Aside from teaching her class basic math and English she would read stories to her class. Ms Connor took great care in choosing stories that were full of morals and virtue; she thought it was her job to make sure that her students were good and fair people as well as learned. After she would read a story Graham was always the first to respond when Ms Connor would ask what the moral of the story was, he wanted to impress her so.
Every so often there would be an evening where Joseph Paine would abruptly come home and insist his boys go off and run the Inn, someone had taken ill and they had to hurry incase any travelers arrived.

Graham hated that they were so abruptly rushed off to the Inn but he and Thomas were good boys and always made it too The Inn. They would take turns staying up front at the check in desk while the other took a nap.  Staying up till sunrise wasn’t an easy task after being up all day and doing chores.

On a cold winter evening Joseph Paine rushed into his house and called for his two sons. “Graham, Thomas! I need you to tend the Inn tonight, Charles is sick.” Graham heard his father calling from the bedroom he shared with Thomas. Thomas didn’t get up until he saw Graham begrudgingly get up; Thomas always took his cues from his older brother, he looked up to Graham very much.

When they arrived in the den to see their father he was very flustered. It seemed on these occasions he always was. Graham attributed his father’s disposition to being worried about the Inn being closed with nobody attending it.

The boys dutifully followed their father’s directions and started the trip to the Inn. The Inn was not far from their house; by carriage it would have taken no more than a couple minutes as their home was on the outside circle of the village and the Inn was located towards the center, by foot the trip took the boys about 15 minutes.

The boys had not been at the Inn for an hour when Charles the normal Inn Keeper arrived. “I can not stand that woman!” Charles moaned as he barged in the front door. Graham and Thomas were both still up front; neither of them was tired yet.
“Sorry boys, you’ll understand once you’re all grown up”
Graham spoke, “Father said you were sick.”
“Sick? No. Joseph told me to take the night off”
The boys looked confused. Charles laughed, “Ah, boys I think your father and mother want some alone time. That too you will understand you’re older.”
Charles told the boys they would be better off staying at the Inn tonight but that he would run the desk; he didn’t care to go back home tonight.
Graham and Thomas slipped back into a vacant room.
Thomas spoke up, “I’d much rather stay in my own bed tonight”
“Quite right. We can slip out the back” Graham replied.
Thomas and Graham braved the cold weather back to their home; it had not been more than two hours since they left but it was dark now. The weather was worsening; it looked like snow was headed in.

Thomas and Graham entered the front door and hung up their coats.
They did not see or here their parents. Usually at this time of the night they would be in the den by the fire, a fire had not even been started.

Graham started towards the back door, “I’m going to get some wood for a fire, it is going to be cold tonight.” The Paine house had a basement with two entrances. There was a door leading down to the basement inside off of the kitchen; there was also a basement door outside that opened up from the ground. The outside door was made from very thick wood and was locked from the outside. The boys were never allowed into the basement; even the inside door to the basement was securely locked. As graham made his way to the wood stack he thought he heard a sound from the basement; he paused but heard no more so he continued onto the wood pile not twenty feet from the back of the house. As this was happening young Thomas made his way to the kitchen, he was hungry and in search of a snack. Thomas immediately noticed the basement door was unlocked. The door was never ever unlocked; maybe this is why he noticed it so fast, it stuck out like a sore thumb.

Thomas hurried to the kitchen window and saw graham headed back inside with the wood. “Graham, Graham” Thomas was beckoned his brother in a quiet voice as he entered “It’s unlocked, the basement is unlocked!”
Graham looked towards the door, “help me” Thomas grabbed the other side of the basket graham was using to carry the wood. The boys deposited the wood next to the fireplace. Graham just stood there. “Should we look?” Thomas queried. “Yes” Graham paused, “but we must be quiet as mice, not a peep.”

Graham opened the door slowly expecting a creek but none came. The stairway was pitch black. the two boys made their way cautiously down each step that they could not see, it seemed to take forever and the steps seemed never ending. As they reached the end they could her faint voices and saw light ahead. Still covered in darkness the boys made there was as quite as possible towards the light. “I can not believe it, its so big” Thomas whispered to graham, he was answered with a “shhh”. As they approached the two boys started to see odd things, sharp things. Graham could not imagine what some of these devices were for; they looked painful though.

Joseph and Mary Paine were both finally in view; they were not alone. Bound inside what looked like an upright coffin was a young woman, her mouth was gagged and her wrists and ankles were tied and connected to the upright coffin. Graham and Thomas continued to watch from the darkness. The coffin’s lid was not attached like a normal coffin. The top was also upright a few feet in front of the coffin and it sat on a track that connected the two. From their vantage point the boys could not see that the ceiling of the coffin top was covered in large metal spikes from top to bottom. Graham moved off to the side to get a better look, it was only then that he realized what was about to happen. As their father sat and watched their mother started to spin a handle attached to a pulley. The Coffin started to close. “Slower!” their father shouted at their mother. As the lid moved closer to the coffin Graham could see a hole where the girls face was. He looked right in to her terrified eyes; a muffled scream could be heard. Graham quickly headed back to his brother in the corner, he grabbed him by the hand and led him quickly back the way they had come.

Once they were back upstairs graham quickly made a story up for Thomas, he wanted him out of the house. “Thomas, I’ve never told you this before but I found a letter once, from our real parents. It said they loved us very much but they had to leave us with the Paine’s for a time but that they would return.” Thomas just starred at graham intently.
“Do you know the tree at the top of redtop hill?” graham asked.
“Yes”
“They said they would meet us there when they returned. I want you to go there and wait for me. I’ll grab our things and we will wait for our parents there, okay?”
“Okay” Thomas replied.
“Go now, run, and get their as quick as possible!”
Thomas ran out the front door so quick he forgot his winter coat.
Graham took a lantern and some lamp oil downstairs. He saw his parents cleaning up their horrible deed. He started to poor a trail of lamp oil towards the stairway. Once he had a trail to the bottom of the stairwell he throw the lantern to the ground. As the lantern broke and glass shattered the flame ignited the lamp oil and fire spread throughout the basement, it was bright like the afternoon soon. Joseph and Mary were momentarily in shock, the panic the felt from worry over being caught was soon replaced by the panic of the roaring fire crawling towards their feet.
“Graham!” Joseph started to call for help but upon looking into the eyes of his son he knew none would come, as Mary shrieked in horror Joseph sat down on a chair and looked at his son. He was serine, he did not panic or scream, the fire surrounded them completely, he accepted the fire as it started to devour them whole, Graham just stared and watched.  Graham heard his mother’s death throws as he hurried up the now well-lit stairs. He grabbed the lock atop the staircase and locked the door behind him, just to be sure. In his bedroom now he tried to grab a few things he and his brother would need. He took too long though. The Fire spread faster than he could have imagined and he found himself trapped in the house too. He sat in the hallway as the flames gathered around him. He closed his eyes.
“Did he make it out?”
“No, Thomas, he did not”
Gregory continued the story.

Young Thomas waited in front of the tree on top of the hill. He waited through the bitter cold night and all the next day, graham never came obviously. The second day as night fell so too did snow. Thomas sat in the snow and cried. It was one of the worst storms the village ever saw, it snowed for days and days and Thomas never left. The snow reached so high in covered Thomas. When the storm passed but it was weeks before the weather warmed enough to melt the snow. Once the first hint of spring had melted the snow Thomas was still there, and he has never left, still waiting.

one, two, three, four, I may just shave my hair off on to the floor.